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Rita Rudner


American
September 17, 1955
Comedian
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In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.


Rita Rudner
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.


Rita Rudner
Tags: Them Live Mother
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.


Rita Rudner
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.


Rita Rudner
Tags: Good Me Say
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Rita Rudner
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.


Rita Rudner
Tags: Get Up Want
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A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.


Rita Rudner
Tags: War Get Will
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.


Rita Rudner
Tags: Know Want Them
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Rita Rudner
Tags: You More Get
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Rita Rudner
Tags: Our Going Whether
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Rita Rudner
Tags: Good Me Want
Being a dancer and a singer gave me some advantage with regards to having a stage presence. I always take my timing from the audience because they are half of my act.
Rita Rudner
Tags: Me Because Always
I started taking ballet lessons when I was 4, and I was performing in ballet companies when I was 10, and I did summer stock in Miami Beach when I was 12, and finally I said, 'I gotta go to Broadway.'
Rita Rudner
Tags: Go Did Started
Barbie ruined my life! It's a really bad image for women. For a long time I thought I was deformed - because my heels didn't touch the ground. I was walking around on tiptoes. What's up with that? I think that it's a bad thing for a woman to try to emulate.
Rita Rudner
Tags: Time Women Think